Center

Every scar on my heart has their unique stories as if they are have different characteristics like people. Only same thing in each scar is that they are on a same surface. I'm experiencing quite a time in this world, I know I will think I was a little child back then when I read those posts. However, right now, I feel like I am kind of starting to grasp clinch of life. I knew everything won't go as I wanted, but I never really understood it. Each time I fall in love, I end up torturing my heart, bit by bit, slice by slice. Life was always been like this to me or should I say love, I don't really hate life or love and I have no objection to blame them. I just understood what they have been and what they are going to be in future.

Easy life only exists in book. Since, we can't exactly experience what the main character is going to through, it's just fancy words of total epic story of a man. I wish  we could experience from the books, but we can only get scars on ourselves from reality instead of edgeless words. These hardships ruin fancy dreams and they shatter like glass hitting a floor then scattering in every direction. Broken shards can't be glued, flown time can't be rewinded. How many dreams shattered like this before? Humankind has been fascinating drama yet only few got what they wanted. All in bets gone wrong 99% of the time but had they achieved happiness in the end?

Perhaps, accepting life as it is counts as giving in. However, I did not give up at all. I don't want to write great philosophical ideas or perspectives. I just want to find what I am feeling right now. I will leave things as they were and won't change a single dust on them. Loving women seems futile, they never appreciate love when they are pursued. As an undesirable man to the women I loved, I can tell that I wasn't their ideal man. Not just appearance but whole mind itself. Therefore, now I should stop running after girls, but slow down a bit and enjoy the scene where I exist. Love hasn't been favorable to me but one sunny day odds will favor me at least once in my lifetime. Should I prevail that moment, I guess, I will feel something I don't know. Right now I am feeling like I am the center of the universe that all things orbiting around me, I have no desire to change anything or get something, I just want to do what I have to do. Perhaps, this feeling might be called peace of mind.