When there is nothing to do, I tend to think a lot. I can't stop thinking about her. Right now, I want to call her to apologize and start to talk like we used to, but I can't. What should I do? do I just stay like this forever? If we love someone are supposed to we just stick to them till the end? I don't know, I have no clue. I am in misery. Why does it have to be like this? Why did I fail again? Why me? Why? Can I call her? Oh my...

Yeap, I didn't give up. I did it again. I didn't give up and did everything thing I could still I did not succeed. Isn't it perfect? When you don't try hard enough you get things easily and when you really want something, it disappear into air like a steam. I made her cry with my sad words, she wanted to see me go, I wanted to see her go. In the end, I left her as she watched me going while she was crying. That time I could not look back, I just could not. Some absolute force was pulling my neck from looking back. I am very regretful that I didn't look back or went back to wipe her pearl tears from her pitch black eyes. I am desperate now. My pride is astronomically big. I don't know why, should I, a student who barely has few things, have pride inside me? The blood that ancestors gave me is too strong. It prevented me from falling on my knees to beg women, except my dear mother.

I am so lucky that I have friends. In your hard times, friends are people who will cheer for you. However, sometimes even they can't help. I think too much that can't even realize what's going on around me for few times a day. Well, that's all for today.